i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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