hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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