dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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