even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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