I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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