If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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