my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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