Swine flu. Run for my life!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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