Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
