I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
