guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
