turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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