At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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