I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
