You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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