I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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