you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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