dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
