so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
