walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
