hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
