so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
