she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize