You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
