I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
