Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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