We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize