I wanna bring you to show and tell
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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