we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
