Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
