I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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