Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
