Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
