The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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