planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
