a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
