she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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