did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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