Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
