I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We had to coat check the pizza.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
