its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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