I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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