Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
