had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just blew my weed a kiss
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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