bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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