i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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