Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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