You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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