true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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