we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
