This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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