It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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