i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize