oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
