but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
