Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
