I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
