What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
