His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
