his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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