Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
