Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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