Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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