Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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