I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
