the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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