i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize