I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
