Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
sex in a hospital.. check
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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