u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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