margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize