i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
